Is it ever our job to teach our spouse a lesson? When is it necessary, even appropriate, to pay him or her back for their behavior? Does that response bring us closer together, or does it drive a larger wedge between us? Does revenge eliminate walls, or does it erect larger ones? Let us consider what the Bible has to say about payback, and let us consider it in the context and setting of the unique relationship of a marriage:
Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!”
Proverbs 20:22
Wait for the Lord, and he will avenge you.
Do not say, “I’ll do to them as they have done to me;
Proverbs 24:29
I’ll pay them back for what they did.”
Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.
1 Thessalonians 5:15
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Romans 12:9-21
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For,
1 Peter 3:8-12
“Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep their tongue from evil
and their lips from deceitful speech.
They must turn from evil and do good;
they must seek peace and pursue it.
For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:29-32
Reflection
- When it comes to forgiveness, is it easier or is it more difficult when the offender is your spouse? Explain.
- What are your biggest barriers to reach forgiveness?
- What are your biggest aids in reconciling with your spouse?
- Why would God tell us not to get our own revenge?
- How can you prepare yourself before a negative event to maintain kindness and compassion?
- Is there anything wrong with keeping just a little bit of bitterness towards your spouse? Why or why not?
- What good is it these days to strive for humility within and for harmony with your spouse?
Food for Thought 